Hole in the Heart
“There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God…” Blaise Pascal
The vacuum does not get filled with the promise of heaven. It does not get filled by assenting to creeds about God. It is not filled with a more moral life. It is not filled by political rightness, superiority, religious ought, or even social justice. It is not filled by promises, self-abnegation or self-denial. Not by straining to get more of anything. It is not filled by sufficient discipline or cynical hipness. It is not filled by being right. It is not filled by what you don’t like, or what you stand against. It is not filled with self-actualized, self-adored, self-entitlement. It is not filled with formulas, techniques, steps or patterns. It does not get filled by beating yourself up for not feeling filled.
It gets filled by enjoying the Christ who is: over, above, under, inside, through, within, amongst, in between and conjoined within every molecule of my being, in absolute delight. It gets filled in trusting that Christ really lives fused within me. It gets filled with the astonishing apprehension that I am righteous, holy, beloved, worthy, enough, adored, forgiven, favored, and loved beyond human measure-on my worst day. It gets filled with the astonishing realization that God is not holding out until I get consecrated or sanctified enough, or get enough of my stuff confessed, fixed, or rearranged. It gets filled when I grow absolutely weary of trying to care enough to compel Him to make my life count and make this religious angst go away. It gets filled when I stop trying to play Him, work Him, manipulate Him, or conjure Him. It gets filled when I get disgusted of trying to dance around Him; “getting away” with some lesser existence of God-avoided self-gratification. It gets filled when I am shockingly convinced that out of the entire universe, He chooses to give His full attention to me. It gets filled when all of these convictions allow me to give away this love, which now overflows from me, to those God allows me to influence.
It takes many their entire lives to finally have that vacuum filled.
…It was never supposed to be that hard.